Head’s scared, heart broke
Burned from a band of gold
Rather just be alone…
Bang, bang on a drum
You’re not a setting sun
You ain’t even close to done…
The clock don’t stop ticking away…
–Clock Don’t Stop, Carrie Underwood
. . . . . .
A year ago, this song brought me to tears yet I played it on repeat. Maybe because, even then, I knew the truth in it.
In any relationship we are in, we fight. In marriage, though, every fight feels like it’s the fight. We sometimes forget that we can take a step back, breathe, and reorganize our thoughts–we don’t have to engage right then and there. We get ramped up and we forget to slow down.
The interesting thing for me is that I teach conflict management. In the past, I would analyze our conflicts through the lens of theory until my husband got upset that I was putting everything in that perspective. I never understood why he got upset. It helped me to cope and step back, so shouldn’t he like that it helps me be more level-headed? What I failed to see is that it made him feel like I was studying him and our relationship instead of being in it.
And instead of turning to my education, I should have been turning to Jesus.
. . . . . .
The Bible actually has some things to say about conflict:
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1
“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath…” — Ephesians 4:26
These ideas have been whispered in my spirit this last year, and they are things I have been actively working on. I want to say, though, that this does not mean as Christians (and, frankly, as Christian women) we can’t ever be frustrated. We are human; God knows this. That is why those verses are there–to remind us the best way to handle those situations.
It’s also important to remember that no day is guaranteed, and we should try to make right as soon as we are able. “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath” reminds us to forgive quickly.
And that is what Carrie Underwood’s song reminds me of: forgiveness. Even in the middle of a fight, no matter how big or small, step away from the emotions and turn to Jesus. Ask Him to give you a loving heart and to help you forgive, even when you think the other person doesn’t deserve it.
Because the truth is the clock doesn’t stop ticking, and you don’t want to be caught wishing things could have been different.