Day 18: God Knows Who I Am

How did it go?

Another day of travel. This time, though, it was to visit family.

I didn’t realize how hard it might be on my heart to visit. I always cry when I see my dad, because I usually have a long time between visits, and this time was no different. Coming back also brought me back to when my relationship began.

The few hours I’ve been “home” have brought on a lot of emotions.

I’ve also realized whatever I am going through has helped me connect more with my dad.

Maybe I am beginning to see the small blessings in everything.

I also came across an article today while sitting in the airport on healing anxiety, and I found it pretty powerful. I think I am going to take some of the advice about writing and health and see where it takes me. Maybe if I feel I am dedicating time to my writing (and thereby my spiritual body) and maybe if I feel better about my physical body, I will begin to feel better overall.

What did I learn?

While on the airplane, I was able to journal a bit, and I was able to continue to see what gives me anxiety.

I don’t really know who I am.

Day 11 of this challenge was about researching myself, and I think that’s something that will continue. I know, you’re thinking well, duh, you don’t just find yourself overnight. I think I was hoping I would.

For a while now I have felt that, at 25, I’m supposed to know who I am and exactly what I want in life. I guess that’s part of the whole needing to plan everything part of myself. As it turns out, I may not know exactly what I want or who I am.

And that’s okay.

So I’m going to do more than research myself—I’m going to experiment. I’m going to pray for guidance, direction, and self-discovery. Because God knows who He wants me to be.

Day 17: When We Aren’t Looking

How did it go?

Has something ever happened that made you feel God is leading you in a certain direction? Maybe you’ve prayed about something for a while, and nothing seems to be happening, then all of a sudden, when you’re not thinking about it, something happens.

That was me today. (Kind of.)

Today was one of those days where this cool, positive thing happened, and it made the rest of my day easier. Because that’s what I focused on.

Another positive thing? My Week One recap of this positivity challenge was published on Odyssey Online two days ago! I am pretty proud of how it turned out, so that definitely gave me some positive vibes.

Other than that, in all honesty, today was relatively boring. But I did learn something.

What did I learn?

God works most especially when we aren’t focused on and begging for a specific outcome.

I stopped looking for this thing. I continued to pray, but I spoke positivity over it. I stopped talking about it to others. I even stopped trying to not be so frustrated that it wasn’t where I was.

Then it happened.

Nothing is done or finalized, but I do feel He is guiding me in the direction He needs me to be right now.

He wants us to relax, find peace with Him, before we can move forward.

Maybe some days I need boring in order to find calmness, contentment, and to be able to move forward.